are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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