he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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