I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
