the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
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