In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
