I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
