And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
