How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
