Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
