The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
third nipple confirmed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
