Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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