Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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