I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
