got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
