whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
