um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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