i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
