**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
