I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
