So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
