I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
