u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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