You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
