Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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