you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
