Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
