I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
