I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
