Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
