a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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