he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Text me some of your sweat
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