Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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