i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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