I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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