hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
