Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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