Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
