So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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