Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
