I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
