I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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