My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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