she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
