He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
