i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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