he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
