so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
a search helicopter?!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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