You can't special order awesome
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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