I wish life had little blips of pornography
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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