I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
