I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
