somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
