Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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