Can i not drive my cunt home
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
