i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
