So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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